Marriage is a serious step, and not all dare on it. If none of below listed points causes doubts in you and fills with dread, be confident – you are ready!
1. Have you ever reflected on purposes forcing you marrying. And whether your purposes coincide with your partner’s purposes? Some argue this way: time has come, close friends already have a family. Some thus solve their sexual problems, as their society has a taboo on illegitimate sexual relations. Some are forced by parents, since they wish to have grandsons. More often you are shown those dividends, which you receive in marriage and you do not notice what cargo of responcibilities is laid down on you, and do not reflect on how complicated your life will become in many respects. I can unequivocally tell that marriage is not for all. At decision-making be guided by your desires and possibilities.
2. If you are guided only by feelings at introduction into marriage, you can be mistaken. Compatibility shown at three levels is very important. The first level, the lowest one - is a psychomotor compatibility, i.e. compatibility at level of psychomotor reactions: the closer partners are to each other, the higher their sexual compatibility is. The second level is a psychological compatibility, i.e. compatibility of characters by addition principle, as a key to the lock. The third level – the most important, defining - is a compatibility at level of values: basic values should coincide. The older we become, the more defining this third level is.
3. It is undesirable that your future elect belong to another social or occupation layer. How close we can be with a person, if cultural distinctions are great between us? Distinctions concern not only basic vital values, but also organisation of life, leisure, system of relations and mutual relations. No material benefits can compensate a sense of nostalgia on all native, habitual. Creative people can be an exception here, since one of essential indicators of creativity is ability to fall outside habitual limits, limits of social norms, stereotypes and outcasts – people belonging to several cultures.
4. If you do not like a family of your groom (bride), do not hurry up with wedding. Get accustomed to your elect. After all, thingsyou do not like in their family, can be also shown in yours with big share of probability. We just wish to think we are not similar to our parents.
5. Do not establish a family in other family. Thus you create soil for conflicts and divorce. Each family has developed structure, which can be compared to a certain pattern of a carpet. This structure is not so flexible. Each new element will be considered as a patch, without dependence from relation to developed structure. Very few people manage to merge with developed structure and feel comfortable in it.
6. Do not hurry up to get a child in the first year. You thus complicate a situation doubly. You still need to adapt to each other and a new situation of joint residing, and a child will be added here. It is very difficult psychological situation, it is also difficult from economic point of view.
7. Do not calm yourself down that you love and you are loved. All can change suddenly. Relations require daily building. Your partner should have “benefit” from communication with you. We do not accept those relations when we always give something, receiving nothing in exchange.
8. If, communicating with your loved one, you have run into depression, you do not have desire to do something, there is no interest to life, you have become embittered, less interesting to associates, it is necessary to reflect on your relations. Perhaps, it is not your person, maybe you were knocked down by your loved one. Ask yourself what you want, and follow your desires. Do not live by inertia. Love should not bring only sufferings and destructions. There is other love, when we become bigger, better, we like to create, and we create.
9. All people can be divided in two groups: “giving” and “taking”, depending on what is more expressed in him: desire to give, do something for other people (collectivist orientation, altruists) or desire to take from others for satisfaction of his own requirements (individualistic orientation, egoists).
Understand yourself thoroughly and do not make such mistake, after all, later it can be very difficult to correct it! However, superfluous doubts also should not confuse you, after all, what can be finer, than sharing your happiness with other one!
