Not one couple of handkerchiefs is wasted in this difficult and confused process of parting. Especially partings happened already after a filing of application in a registry office, when nothing foretold storms. Why this occurs and what to do in such cases?
Once a girlfriend came to me drowned in tears. «What’s happened?» - I asked. After a 20-minute tea-cognac drinking (to be more exact, I drank tea, and she - cognac) she, finally, calmed down a little and could utter some confused, almost senseless phases about her tragical event.
When the second pack of handkerchiefs ended, Lina finally formulated the reason of her tragedy more or less distinctly. So – she quarrelled her groom, and already planned wedding became open to question. They simply cancelled it.
What a statement! Four years of constant and equal relations which, I admit, I envied on the quiet in a white way, failed for 2 hours of quarrelling with use of ware and everything that turned up under a hand. In the heat of a quarrel it appeared that they did not already love each other, it was just a habit, and the decision on wedding – a continuous error. Yes … not the most trivial problem.
I could not believe that they suddenly ceased loving each other. Their romantic relations were not similar to a habit. Lina and Max were always considered a perfect match in our company, and all of us followed them an example.
The epopee on a divergence of Lina and Max lasted about half a year and ended the way all of us could not assume – they parted, having solved not to torment each other and start a new life.
By the way, I had to hear not one such history. The description can vary, but the essence remains former – a part of couples breaks up right when a wedding date is already appointed, and friends and relatives are already going to eat spoons of salad.
Why this occurs?
Variant number 1. The matter is that during a difficult period of prewedding preparation the basis of such relations is tested. If the spark already dissapeared, and love outgrown in a habit (concerns the relations lasting not one year, when a groom and a bride live together for a long time in a civil marriage) people just understand that further there will be nothing, and decide not to put stamps in passports just to follow sociable morals. Wedding – is such act when everyone defines definitively for himself, whether he needs all this or not.
The second variant. In a groom’s life Another one appeared. Well, you just can do nothing with this. Later there will be the third and more… Men often decide to go over in other camp, where they can keep their imaginary freedom for about 2 years.
But men initiate rupture of relations not always. Quite often you can hear terrifying stories how a bride gone over to a groom’s best friend on the eve of wedding, and even in the course of their wedding. As a result – divorce and a maiden name.
Variant 3. Mum and daddy. Relatives, in general. The stone sharpens water. And not always young can resist the pressure of reproaches: «Just look at his father! He is the last drunkard! And John’s father is a diplomat and respected person in a city!»
Not everyone have enough will power to suffer it day by day, perfectly understanding that after wedding everything will only amplify. And it is good, if future spouses have a separate habitation, but not all newly-married couples can brag of it. The majority begin their family way in one of their parents’ rooms. And here the hell will begin. It is possible to find fault in everything – you stand not in the right place, earn little, wash badly, cook bad, have too much rest etc., etc. Some mums are ready to “saw” young, edifying and teaching some good sense all day and night without a break. Any mistake will be remembered. And who of us do not make mistakes in home life?
Moving. Many decide to start living together shortly before a wedding – to get used to characters, so to say. For some this grinding passes without serious consequences, for others - leads to a complete separation of relations. Not everyone will accept love of a future husband to put socks in couples or opposite – put dirty smelly lumps under a bed. Not everyone can reconcile to tons of jars, occupying whole bathroom. And not every man can precisely say goodbye to his favourite hobbies. And here his dear one suddenly declares: “You will not be engaged in any aviamodelling any more! What a nonsense! You exhaust a heap of money, and then this muck dries, stinking, 3 days long and then is covering with dust for a hundread years more! Take everything out to mum or I will throw it out!”
It is good, if people divide each other’s hobbies. Both my friends take a great interest in kayaking. But some other person would hardly accept a fighting girlfriend who arrived from another heat all in bruises. We are ready to accept other person the way he is only in words. After all let’s admit that at heart, somewhere very far, we secretly hope that after we start living together, he/she will change. But it is necessary to be fair – nobody will change. And it is better, that this understanding comes as soon as possible. Otherwise consequences can be irreparable.
And still… There can be lots of obvious and implicit reasons of a wedding fail. Frequently people cannot understand what dissolved them during the latest moment for years. Whether it served them for the blessing or to the detriment? And maybe if we fighted to the end, we could live happily? Nobody can give you answers to these questions. Only and time can feel.
Probably, through years the understanding of an inaccuracy of your relations and their hopelessness because of an age difference, status etc. will come. And maybe, you will hope secretly to meet your former groom or bride in the street till the end of days, being terrified from only one thought that she/he is happy with someone.
In any case, that’s all to the good. And even our mistakes give us invaluable experience.
