Whether you ever reflected over such question? Why do we fall in love? Why do we go mad of one fleeting glimpse from the object of our passion? Why it is usually occurs so suddenly and unexpectedly? Whether there is any reasonable explanation to this process?
Actually it appears that it is. Firstly, we should be concerned. This means our relations do not bring satisfaction to us. It happens that someone’s interest to us awakes sleeping need, which further demands satisfaction. Secondly, we should meet someone, who seems to meet all our desires. If basic desires are strong in us, we become less legible, than usually. And if we are lucky, and meet someone answering to our uncountable special desires, then we experience a so-called love at first sight.
All of us have different thresholds of so-called infatuation or peculiarities, defining how we fall in love. Some people fall in love constantly, some - only once; one fall in love in a flash, others - only after they learn a person well. When someone crosses our threshold of infatuation, we endure sudden and dramatic emotional regeneration. This person suddenly becomes a center of our hopes and desires, and we have a new feeling of delight from life. It seems that gates are opened and our constrained desires are directed outside. Thirst of satisfaction of our desires explains, why we can fall in love, almost knowing nothing about the partner.
When this inclination develops into passionate love, passion overflows us quickly. In the dictionary a word “passion” speaks as “emotions which have got out of hand”. Passion cuts the channels, connecting reason and heart, and we can easily mix blind passion and true love. In both cases we will feel the same, and our inflamed consciousness cannot distinguish them. No matter whether you have feelings or whim, or turn into deep and long feelings, initial sensations are similar, feelings get out of hand and catch us.
To fall in love means the same as to make investments in papers. The same as you temporarily lose control over money, you lose control over feelings, having devoted them to your loved one. And as you do not foreknow the result, which will be brought by your investments, you also cannot expect an outcome of new relations precisely. There is a risk factor here, forcing the one in love feeling uncertainty and fear.
Why one person attracts us more strongly than another? To answer this extremely complicated question, it is necessary to consider bases, namely our desires, in particular desires concerning other people, - so-called interpersonal desires. Satisfaction of such desires demands interaction with other people. These desires are general in our emotional well-being and represent motive power, which operates behaviour of people.
There are two types of interpersonal desires. The first type - the cores, which include requirement for dialogue, affinity, sex and approval. The basic desires push us to dialogue with other people that should provide a survival of our kind. Special desires concern the second type. Each of us have special desires that make a certain unique mosaic. They give us criteria to search of a necessary partner, which would satisfy us completely. These desires force us to have preference in everything, beginning from system of values, books and trade to hair colour, sense of humour and constitution. They define, what sort of mutual relation we wish to create, - probably vigorous, probably, serene, - and push us to people, who can help us with establishment of such relations. Special desires can have various origin.
Parents, people and the circumstances surrounding us in childhood, possess possibility to form our preferences. Experience and mutual relations of later periods of life possess same possibility, but to a lesser degree. Our desires grow and change together with us. Even cultural epoch plays a role in formation of our special desires.
If you ever read “Acquaintance” section in the newspaper or magazine, you understand, how seriously we perceive our special desires (”a young girl dreams of an uncommon man of strong constitution, nice…”), no less than cores (”heat, generous, wishing to have children”).
The risk in love, as well as any other risk, promotes allocation of special substances in a brain, which force us to operate optimum to survive. In situations, where there is a real threat for life, they help us running faster, struggle longer, be stronger, endure pain and concentrate on danger’s source. However, these powerful stimulators sometimes have a by-effect: they cause pleasant sensations. That is why so many people find pleasure in risk.
When you fall in love, there is a romantic equivalent of a situation with threat for life: you shiver in expectation, your palms sweat, your heart beats; you are charged by energy, sufficient to make love all night long and feel normal next day; you are focused on the beloved, forgetting about all the rest; your feelings become aggravated; your charm and mind excite; you do not pay attention to vital disorders. You even look better. You reap the fruits of loss of control over yourself, which causes joyful mood at biochemical level.
How to explain such condition, you may ask. The fact that love occurrence is connected with various chemical reactions happening in our brain, is proved long ago. However, it concerns not only love, but also many other emotions – from grief to happiness. All of them have biochemical nature.
Secular science offers us numerous explanations of such sexual inclination. Thus, for example, from the point of view of biological and evolutionary theory, sexual inclination is generated by that circumstance that human reproduction as biological kind is carried out by sexual relations between a man and a woman.
In essence, this theory says that behind mysticism and beauty, romanticism and sensuality, shrouding human sexuality, a necessity to survive and provide a kind’s survival hides. Libido’s accessories are — romanticism, flowers, music, moonlight — as a matter of fact, are only a way applied by nature to pull together accessories of two individuals’ sexual inclination. Two human beings who are looking one after another operate under the same laws, as bees searching for rapprochements; one bee starts buzzing in a special way, another will exude a special smell, but actually it is only tactics, which purpose is pulling them together, so that they would make sexual intercourse and have generated posterity. The nature is not sentimental, it is ruthless. It should prevail. Therefore, it also finds ways to induce man’s and female individuals to pairing.
Thus, all this is put in us by nature, and you cannot avoid it. Therefore, no matter whether you want to or not, … just fall in love!
